The epic bedtime story of Emerl and G Mel
by Metal Madness
Summary: My single wierdiest story to date, and full of obscure Sonic character! Nack, Ray and Bean, all desperate for money, have to work as childminders for Cream. That includes telling a bedtime story. Can the three morons hope to complete such a task? Doubt it


Disclaimer: All characters are Sega and Sonic Teams, except Scratch and Grounder who are Dic's. It's true I tell you! 

A note from me: Well this a wierd one. You have been warned. It was origanlly meant to be an adaption of a script story I once did, but turned into a completly different story (except the same characters, plus Nack and Bean, that and in the script storyRay narrated Emerl and G-Mel's tale.) This will probably be a one shot, which is probably a good thing...

* * *

"Worst... idea... ever." Nack muttered as he attempted to clean Cheeses litter box, while staying at arms distance from it with a hand over his nose. Needless to say he wasn't all that successful. Ray and Bean were both behind Nack, attempting to channel the smell away with there minds. Oddly they were partially successful, why this was is unknown to everyone ever.

"Look, none of us have been able to land a job in years, this is the best we could do." Ray reasoned.

"Oh shut it." Nack muttered. He lost his temper with the litter box and began blasting it with his gun. While this didn't necessary destroy the litter, it at least masked the smell with gunpowder. "There. Cheese has been cleaned up after." Nack remarked.

"Yeah, shame we still have two hours of this crap left." Muttered Ray.

"We must prevail the hardships!" Bean suddenly shouted. Nack and Ray looked at him sceptically. "Vanilla has entrusted us responsibility of her house and daughter, we can't let her down!" Bean continued to verbally strive upwards. Nack raised an eyebrow.

"No wonder Bark abandoned you." Nack commented.

"He didn't abandon me! He just went to the shop, that's all! He'll come back!" Bean shouted. "As soon as they pry his fat ass out of that doorway." He added.

"Anyway..." Ray tried to change the subject. "What's next on our list of things to do, oh mighty leader?" He asked Nack, who whacked him around the head with the butt of his gun.

"It's magnificent leader!" He corrected Ray sternly.

"Why are you our leader anyway?" Bean questioned suspiciously.

"I was in three games! How many games have you been in?" Nack asked. Ray and Bean both looked sheepishly at there feet.

"One." They both muttered in unison. Nack stood tall and triumphant.

"Exactly, so ha!" Nack then proceeded to abuse his power by hitting Bean over the head. Bean then, for no real reason, ran out of the room making a 'whoop' sound repeatedly.

"Anyway, to answer the original question," Nack took out a list and read it out loud. "Lets see, we've given Cream dinner, took Cheese for a walk, gone on that fan fiction site and wrote angry reviews for slashes, arranged a death match between Omochao and Cheese, cleaned out that litter tray... Ah! We're meant to put Cream to bed." Nack crumpled the list into a ball and threw it on the fire.

"Wasn't there still stuff to do on that list?" Ray questioned.

"Yeah, but I like to pretend there wasn't." Nack replied. He then walked up to Cream's bedroom, followed by his two lackeys. He then walked back downstairs. "Alright. Where's Cream?" He asked.

"I decided to keep her out the way by giving her a bunch of my bombs to play with." Bean announced. Nack and Ray looked at each other worryingly.  
A few minutes later, and one living room annihilated by an explosion, Nack, Ray and Bean had got Cream to go to bed.

"And what did we learn?" Nack questioned.

"Not to play with matches and bombs, unless said bombs are being held by Bean." Cream replied.

"Good girl. Now go to sleep so my mates and me can get drunk! I mean pissed! I mean rat faced! I mean stoned! I mean boozed up! I mean"

"...Go play Jenga!" Ray interrupted; fully aware of how many words Nack knew which meant drunk.

"Why would I need all these beers if we're playing Jenga?" Bean questioned.

"Ix-nay on the err-bay in front of the id-kay." Nack told Bean.

"I don't speak pig Latin." Bean admitted.

"I do." Announced Cream.

"Oh for fu..." Nack remembered Cream was there just before the swear fully passed his lips. "...Fu...fu...urry... kittens." Nack looked quite pleased with himself. "Hay, I covered up that fuck up well." Nack then realised what he had said. "Fuck! FUCK! F"

"For god's sake Nack, never talk in front of children again!" Ray ordered. Ray then turned to Cream. "Goodnight"

"Wait, you haven't told me my bedtime story!" Cream complained.

"Oh well, wasn't on the list." Nack replied.

"Yes it was! I saw it!" Bean announced. Nack gave the duck a cold stare.

"Thank you Bean." The pissed off Weasel held out his hand. "Right give me some book to read." Cream looked down sadly.

"I don't have any books. Tails took them all in a desperate attempt to teach Big that the 'dog goes woof'." Cream explained.

"Great, I have to use my imagination! I promised myself never to use it again after I let it wonder onto the topic of how Espio used that tongue in his spare time (only makes sense if you've played Sonic the fighters and have a dirty mind)." Nack pulled up a near by chair and entered deep thought. "Once upon a time... Hay, I like that opening, I like it allot! Right, so we now know it was once and at a time"

"Hurry up Nack or we'll have to get drunk in our apartment, and that's not nearly as fun as barfing on someone else carpet." Ray complained.

"Well you do it then yellow boy!" Nack folded his arms and waited.

"Fine! Once upon a time..."

"Stole my opening I see." Muttered Nack. Ray ignored him.

"There was a young... robot." Cream's ears suddenly perked up.

"You mean like G-Mel?" She questioned.

"Who?" Bean asked. Cream pointed to a small evil looking black robot behind the trio.

"How did we miss him?" Nack questioned.

"Sure. There was a young robot named G-Mel. He had a best friend. She was a female robot called Emerl"

"Emerl?" Nack questioned.

"A yellow robot made five hundred years ago." Ray answered.

"How could you possibly know her?" Cream asked. Ray moved his eyes shiftily.

"I have my sources." He claimed. "Anyway, G-Mel and Emerl lived happily together, they frolicked in the hilly countryside and"

"Burnt stuff with their eye lasers of death!" Bean added enthusiastically.

"As well as blowing up civilisations with missiles!" Nack put in his two cent.

"Then terrorised teenagers at some summer camp"

"And caused world war three"

"And four"

"And six"

"Except none of that happened!" Ray claimed, gesturing at a disturbed looking Cream.

"They were friendly robots." Nack rolled his eyes.

"In that case this is sure to be a roller coaster of excitement." He sarcastically remarked.

"Well they may be friendly, but I'm sure the evil, maniacal and insane monster waiting for them behind the corner isn't!" Bean announced. Cream buried her head underneath her bed covers.

"I don't think there are any monsters." Ray claimed. Bean looked depressed.

"Not even a metaphorical one?" He asked.

"You mean a monster made out of lies?" Nack questioned. Ray rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Eggman is after G-Mel and Emerl. Also, I think we need to teach Nack a bit more about the English language." Ray noted. Nack shrugged.

"Considering I wear a cowboy hat, you're lucky I'm literate." Nack claimed.

"Anyway, we have Emerl and G-Mel"

"The frolicking robots"

"Who are wanted by Eggman, because, oh, I don't know, because he wants to put them inside a bigger robot to power it." Ray paused for a minute to think. "Eggman also had two minions called Grounder and Scratch, who Eggman sent out to find Emerl and G-Mel"

"Not that it's hard to find two frolicking robots in a hilly countryside." Bean muttered. Ray shot him an angry stare.

"It depends. In Japan it's rather common." Nack commented.

"Well why would they be in Japan?" Bean asked.

"They went to fight Godzilla!" Nack stated. "Yeah, Emerl and G-Mel decided to finally rid the world of that giant lizard so they went to Japan, followed closely by the evil Eggman ninja minions, Scratch and Grounder." Nack pulled out 'the big book of Japanese references', which he happened to have under his hat. "In Japan Emerl and G-Mel collected the seven dragonballs, making another giant lizard to fight Godzilla, while all the while they had to defend themselves from Scratch in a part robot, part car and Grounder with a straw hat on and very stretchy limbs! However, they managed to defeat these evils with the help of a bounty hunter who called himself a cowboy for no real reason. Then Grounder donned a female Sailor suit and fought alongside a talking cat. Emerl and G-Mel escaped the cross dressing robot on the back of Mothdra. However, they did not plan on a surprise attack by Kimba the white lion, who was in cahoots with Eggman and Kagato. However, Emerl and G-Mel teamed up with Kid muscle and Yu-gi-ho and the day was saved!" Nack held his arms above his head as if to signify something. Ray, Bean and Cream looked at Nack confused.

"That was... interesting..." Bean claimed.

"I hate anime." Muttered Cream.

"Oh the irony." Nack muttered.

"Right, so none of that happened." Ray claimed, attempting to regain some control over the tale. "So, Emerl and G-Mel, who weren't in Japan, were being hunted down by Scratch and Grounder"

"Why do you keep cutting out our contributions?" Bean asked. Nack narrowed his eyes at Ray.

"He's trying to take control of my group!" Accused Nack.

"Oh come on, everyone forgot you were meant to be the leader several paragraphs ago." Ray replied.

"Then your plan is working! I'm taking the story over from here!" Nack announced.

"Right, so to capture Emerl and G-Mel, Scratch and Grounder... errr... they... emmm..." Nack racked his brain trying to think of something to say, but he couldn't come up with anything. "You know, when I said I was taking over the story, I meant Bean was!" Nack then wrapped one his arms around Bean's neck. "Now you put Ray in his place duck boy"

"Okay!" Bean grinned, which worried Ray slightly. "So, to capture Emerl and G-Mel, Scratch and Grounder built a giant Pizza, which they offered to their Gods as a sacrifice. Their Gods, Bill, Bob and Joey, accepted the sacrifice and came down from the heavens and chased the two robots. However, the three Gods had not planned on G-Mel owning a military base, which he used to stage a nuclear strike on the gods. However, this use of nuclear weaponry did not go unnoticed. The USA President was peeved because the robots got to use nuclear bombs before him and within three to six weeks the entire world had been totalled in a nuclear war. The End." Bean beamed triumphantly. However, everyone else just stared at him blankly.

"Bill, Bob and Joey?" Ray questioned. Bean placed his hands on his hips.

"Oh so easy to criticise, so hard to create!" Bean replied. Ray rolled his eyes.

"Well I was 'creating' a better story, but you and Nack kept butting in!" Ray complained. Nack crossed his arms.

"Oh, I'm sorry for interrupting your tale about frolicking robots!" Nack sarcastically apologised.

"Kind sirs, can you please just tell me a bedtime story?" Cream asked.

"Huddle!" Nack cried. The trio huddled around. "Look, if we want to get even mildly drunk, we have to tell a slightly coherent tale, so lets stop fighting each other and work as team!" Nack suggested.

"A team? Dibs on 'Speed'!" Bean shouted.

"Damn it! I wanted to be speed!" Nack complained.

"I'm 'Power'!" Ray quickly added.

"So I'm 'Flight'? How does that work?" Nack complained.

"Shut up and carry us." Bean ordered. Nack just gave him a cold stare.

"Lets just get this storytelling over and done with"

"Agreed." Ray and Bean replied. They broke off the huddle and turned to Cream.

"Right, I'll start." Ray claimed. "Once upon a time"

"What? Were starting all over again?" Bean questioned. Nack and Ray stared at him angrily. "Sorry"

"Once upon a time there lived two happy robots called G-Mel and Emerl. However these two robots were wanted by the evil Eggman"

"To power a kick ass robot!" Nack added. Ray mostly ignored the comment.

"So Eggman sent his two minions, Scratch and Grounder out to get the robots"

"BY FORCE!" Bean exclaimed in an evil tone.

"So armed with bazookas, the two minions went to the field of frolicking robots." Nack continued the tale.

"Luckily, G-Mel and Emerl had gotten wind of this happening and ran off to Canada." Ray claimed, steering the story away from any excessive violence, but unsuccessfully.

"So Scratch and Grounder destroyed all the robots there anyway. Blood and gore spread across the field!" Bean shouted, ignoring the fact Robots have no blood (or gore.

"However, none were hurt." Ray claimed, defying common sense, not that stories tend to include common sense anyway (if you've read this you'll know that.

"Except G-Mel's owner..." Nack claimed "But...I'm G-Mel's owner..." Cream announced in a half sobbing voice.

"...Except Emerl's owner." Nack claimed, hoping all knowledge of his last sentence would be destroyed. "Causing Emerl to get pissed off and seek revenge"

"So the two robots donned yellow jumpsuits with a black line down the side, talked to an old Chinese dude, then went after Eggman with a sword." Bean remarked. "However, things got complicated when it turned out Emerl and Eggman's daughter was alive and being taken care of by Eggman"

"Emerl... and Egman's... daughter?" Cream asked, very confused.

"Emerl was made with a reproductive system." Nack tried to explain. "Which was bad for Eggman as it was that time of the month"

"What time?" Cream questioned. Nack's face turned slightly red.

"Oh, emmm, you know, emmm, when a woman gets older, she, emmm, gets angry every month." Nack answered. "Let's leave it at that"

"Anyway, for the good of the child Emerl and Eggman got married and G-Mel was the best man. The end." Ray finally ended the tale. "Now please go to sleep." Nack whipped his brow.

"We finally told the tale." Nack sighed with relief.

"Lets tell another story!" Bean suggested.

"NO!" Nack and Ray shouted. Bean looked slightly depressed.

"Right, were off." Nack exclaimed. The trio exited Cream's room and went downstairs to finally get drunk.

For Nack, Ray and Bean the rest of the night was a blur, but between them they could remember 'watering' a few plants, being thrown out of the house by a disgusted looking Vanilla and then waking up in the middle of a mine field in Mexico. Bean could also remember a giant pink aardvark and a couple of talking pineapples, but no one else could. However, the three never got paid for obvious reasons, and were forced to find new ways of making money. Unfortunately, that night they watched 'The Full Monty'...

The End


End file.
